I had yet another dream about Elena. This one, however, was very very different.


In every single dream prior to this one - Elena was there, but it was usually a social gathering - almost like a wedding - with some sort of assigned seating. She was Always at a different table. She was always as beautiful as ever and smiling and socializing and just exuding her natural, flawless "Elenaism". However, I would always witness this perfection of her in my dream from a distance, yet never, not even once, be able to approach her, never mind talk to her. Almost as if I was the one that no longer "existed." Mind you, she looked happy as ever... but I would wake up every time upset that we couldn't communicate. That she wouldn't even look my way. That she no longer "needed" me....

This dream though-the dream that I had last night, as most 'dreams' are, was nothing short of weird - but it was great! - in a morbid sort of way that could never be explained, so please don't ask me why I am even writing this:::

She was with me as normal, just like old times. As if she has been here the whole time. We were just accompanying one another on our daily 'errands'. We were having so much fun and laughing the whole time - together.

At one point, we went to my doctor appointment. At first, I thought the dr. was checking us both out and then I remembered Elena was no longer alive. Call it a "lucid dream" if you will, and I asked her if she was still 'dead' and she said "yes, of course," and laughed as if it was funny of me to not know that completely. (Our banter usually consisted of her finding my 'airheadedness' amusing.)

Yet, for some reason, this was ok - for both of us. I just re-accepted it, and we carried on....

I can't interpret dreams. Maybe the doctor office looked so much like the hospital - where I last saw her - because that is what my imagination created. - haven't a clue.

Apparently, she just came to the dr. with me, as one of our menial tasks that day - and her company made that errand fun.

Except, the problem was, I kept talking to Elena and to the medical staff, it looked as though I was talking to myself. I repeatedly asked the dr. : "Can't you see her??!".

Then the dr. began ignoring me and Elena and I shared some more of our laughter and fun.

I assume th dr. became concerned with my 'visions' because she called in more staff, so I simply ignored them while Elena and I were laughing like all was well in the world. Yes - the simple, off doctor appointment was a highlight of my life and so much fun.

Then, the dr. and staff began arguing about the number of prescriptions to give me. (Yes-I said this was A. a dream and B. Weird) I'm pretty sure I was then diagnosed a "paranoid schizophrenic".

I woke up then. Happy. That was my first time "spent" with Elena since July 11, 2009.